Reina And Reina - Writing Talk 2

*Another look into my thoughts with me and my story character of Reina Beaumont, bear in mind this is not an ego trip, this is something I find to be helpful*

Reina Beaumont:  How are you feeling?

Reina Watt:  I'm sure you would know the feelings yourself, after all you've experienced loss many times.

RB:  True, but this isn't about me, is it?  It is about you needing to be able to talk but being unable to talk to anyone else so you are talking to me and typing it out so that you can see the words instead of feeling them inside you.  So how are you feeling?

RW:  Tired, stressed, sore and I miss my friend deeply.  It's been a little over two months since his death and I am still struggling to accept that he's gone.  My motivation to write is poor and I am worried that I may be forced to de-transition because of extremely low funds and a lack of access to needed health care.

RB:  Considering how far you've come then that fear is understandable, you need this transition.  Even though you've barely written in the past several months, it is understandable although it is hard to say if your readers understand that.  Many of them must be eager for a new age regression piece but you haven't been feeling up to it, you haven't even been writing much of my story.  Not that it gets read much unless I'm age regressed or wearing a nappy or a mix of both.

RW:  I can't afford to de-transition, I can't go back to that miserable wreck I was.  I have sacrificed so much to get to this point and I have so much more to do with my transition.  I can't give it up, I can't allow myself to be forced to be some male that I don't identify as.

RB:  Again understandable.  I look at you now and I can see that you are slowly and gradually becoming more feminine physically, I can see your developing breasts and the light in your eyes, I can see the real you within being more free and content.  But the death of your friend and the potential loss of your only income has caused a high degree of stress, and your depression is gnawing away at your weakening defences.

RW:  I would rather be dead than be the miserable wreck I was before.  I'm struggling so hard to keep fighting my depression and I'm losing bit by bit.  I badly need to be able to regain some internal strength.  I am tired of fools screwing about with my life, they have no bloody right to take away such badly needed health care.

RB:  Their arrogance and greed makes them think they have that right, and it will be their downfall.

RW:  Bloody hope so, too many are suffering because of arrogant fools who think of themselves as better than everyone else.

RB:  If your readers could see you, the real you, then maybe they would see how much you are struggling right now.  You've been trying to write for a while but all too often you keep losing your focus, even before your friend died you were struggling.  You've lost a lot of motivation, you're burned out from too much stress.

RW:  Great, my own daughter is giving me a pep talk.

RB:  You need the support, you spend a lot of time helping others out but it is very rare that anyone helps you out.  How often does anyone support you?

RW:  Not often, I'm too introverted and too uncomfortable around people to let anyone get close.

RB:  You let me get close.

RW:  Because you're part of me, I created you, you're bonded to me and when I die you die.  In a sense there is a kind of irony to it, so many other artists seek immortality through their work while I don't.  When I die my work will disappear and be forgotten, I've made sure that my work will not be distorted and twisted by others.

RB:  Then in a sense I'm not immortal, am I?  In a story sense I may be immortal but in a literal sense I am as mortal as you and will die with you.

RW:  Pretty much.  I can't risk my work falling into the hands of those who have no respect for the creator's hard work and intents for their work.  The only person who can work on your story is me and that is how it is to be, others would only remove the underlying foundation for why you exist.

RB:  Think anyone would mourn you when you're gone?

RW:  Doubtful, I've purposely kept people at an arm's length and farther.  I am not a social person.

RB:  Feeling better?

RW:  No, but thank you for listening.

RB:  For you I am always happy to listen.  Mind if I eat some chocolate?

RW:  Sometimes I wonder if I should have written you to have more healthy eating habits.

RB:  Eating chocolate is healthy for me, it keeps me from killing anyone who annoys me.

RW:  I miss my friend so much.

RB:  You always will, maybe you'll meet him again in his new life.

RW:  Wouldn't mind that.

RB:  Maybe he's waiting to meet you again when the time comes.

RW:  Maybe.  Go ahead and have some chocolate, not like you're going to gain any weight.

RB:  Exactly.  Keep doing your best to be you.

RW:  I always do.

*More chocolate bars meet a grisly death*